I awoke to hammering on the door early this morning. It was *****, thank god. He seems unhurt but he was a bit of a mess; covered in dirt and his clothes were all torn and stuff. If I were to hazard a guess I’d say he spent the last week outdoors. The first thing I did of course was throw my arms around him in one of the biggest hugs I’ve ever given; I’m so glad that he’s alright. He didn’t return my embrace but just stood there, blanking me and ignoring my questions about where he had been, if he was ok, etc. Problems arose when he saw the contents of his bag spread out all over the coffee table. I know I should have tidied it up, but heavily drinking over the last few days had made me uncaring about trivial things such as housekeeping. I hadn’t even thought of how he’d react to me looking through his things. It turns out I should have thought. He reacted severely.

He had me pinned to the wall easily, I just wasn’t expecting it, and as a girl up against a guy so tough and angry, I had no chance anyway. My hands were on his, desperately trying to pull them off my neck while he was yelling at me “HOW MUCH DO YOU KNOW?” over and over. I tried telling him that I didn’t know what he meant but I couldn’t talk. I couldn’t breathe. He quietened down only when I pointed at the floor to remind him of the noise-aware neighbour downstairs. Then he shoved me aside, hastily grabbed everything that had been taken from his bag and headed to his room.

I was really scared. I still am, and my neck hurts. He’s in his room now, no lock between us; my fault. …I suppose I deserved it in a way; I completely disregarded his right to privacy. I just wish he would go back to being normal. The person I knew 4 months ago wouldn’t have acted like this.

I’m not sure if my neck is going to bruise. I hope it doesn’t, I don’t want to have to fabricate a story to explain it.