riin rtes eopn esu
esu site twol eopn untr
esu site twol heor
twol heor
rtes irt egod tdma

The Lurking Fear

I’ve been working extra hours to take my mind off things. I decided after Wednesday that I wanted nothing more to do with *͘͜͞͞*҉̢͘͟͡*͘͡͝*͡*̸̴̧̧̛’s obsession or any of the things I’d previously written about. I found the attached note back when I snuck into his room, and I’m ashamed to say I followed *̴̸́͜*̸҉̴̸́*̢̢̡̛͠*̛̕*̨̛͠ to his “meeting” in the park. Obviously I kept my distance and my head down so he didn’t notice me, but it also meant I didn’t get a good look at the person he met up with. It was strange though… considering *̧̧̕͘*́͝*҉̶͜͡*͏̶̸̧̛*̷̛͘’s recent violent behaviour and unsociable tendencies he seemed very close to this person, and when they were conversing his body language gave the impression that he was relaxed, shit, I’d almost go as far as saying happy! I was too far away to hear what was being said, but it looked like the stranger handed him something before they parted ways. At the time I thought “fuck it”; I wanted to know who this person was, why shouldn’t I? So I tried following but… well, it was a bit weird, the guy just suddenly strayed from the path and started walking through the trees, meaning I had to fall back even further I than the distance I’d been following because it was harder to keep quiet. Eventually the woodland grew fairly dense and dark; the trees were so close together they cut out most of the light. It was eerily quiet, and I’d been following this person long enough for me to start regretting my decision and worrying about whether I was lost or not. I was just about to turn around and head back when the stranger broke into a run. I pursued. I’m not sure what came over me… running is not something I normally do. Though I still can’t work out why he suddenly took off; I truly don’t think he knew I was there. My chase was in vain anyway, the guy was like a fucking Olympic sprinter, and I tripped, landed on some roots, and ended up sprawled on the ground in pain.

It took me over an hour to find my way out of those woods and get back home. Luckily (as per usual) *҉҉*̡́͞͝*̨́͝͝*̶̨̢͞*͘ was in his room, meaning I didn’t get any questions about why I was covered in dirt or limping. It was at this point I decided I was done. Was I really acting any better than *̷́*̸̢*̵̸͟͝*̴̴͏͢*̶̨̡͝? Snooping around in his obsession had become an obsession in itself to me, and I still feel embarrassed that I went as far as to follow him when in actuality NONE of this is my business. If he wants to act weird and be obsessed with some stupid fucking ghost story then who am I to stop him? I’m moving on from this.  

Well the opportunity arose today to get into*̸̑̐*̵͆͂͋̒ͤ*̾ͮ̒̆͏*͌͐̈ͩ҉*̧́̅͌’s room; I found it only fair to my curiosity that I took it. I didn’t want to hang around too long because I didn’t know how long he’d be out, so instead I took pictures. I’ve still to look over them properly but here’s a few to show what I found. All I have to say is what the fuck?

If you could imagine me sighing at the start of this post I think it would help with the tone.

I guess I’ll start by saying sorry to my two little blog followers (thanks for the interest, by the way) and anyone else who’s been reading this diary, for not posting in a while; I’ve been feeling a bit disorientated lately and haven’t spent much time on the computer. I’ve been out with friends quite a lot (not *̶̧*̷͏*̵̷*̵͞*̨҉̕ unfortunately, he’s still not talking to me), trying to keep busy and take my mind off things.

 I came home last night to find that the flat had been broken in to. Or so I thought. The door was wide open and it looked broken, so naturally I started to panic. It was only once I had a look around that I noticed nothing had been taken and the place was still relatively tidy. I decided to ask *͓̯̟ͧ̋̕*͔̠̞̮ͯͫ̔̉͌ͪ*̢̔́*̷̱͖̾͋͊*̵̮̬̠ what had happened since he surely would have known if something was going on, despite being holed up in his room all the time. Turns out I didn’t have to ask. His room was locked… with the lock he’d removed from the front door. (Imagine another sigh here) I controlled my temper this time and tried to get him to open the door (I couldn’t use my own key because he’d left his in the other side) so I could talk to him but with no luck; he just ignored me, though I definitely heard him in there. I really don’t know what to do. What the hell is he hiding?

 I feel a bit pathetic asking for help online but I don’t want to talk to my other friends or family about this for fear that they’ll get too involved and *̵̙̰̱̐*̴̷̻̘̩͈͓̼͖ͥͮͤ̉̀̅ͪ̾͘*̫̙͕̣̟̦͔̋̍̕͞*̛ͭ̌ͮ̈͋͏̪͓͙͉̮̘́*̴͙͈̣͈̖́̽ͣ̈́̀͒ͩͪ̌̀͜ͅ will get angry with me or leave again. So for once I’ve decided to allow comments on this post in the hope of getting some advice.

Things have been good. The last couple days have been relaxed; I’ve just been chilling out, reading, sketching. I went walking through the woods for a couple of hours yesterday… But I couldn’t help thinking about… it’s so stupid. Usually I’d just focus on walking or little things in nature but yesterday I found myself looking over my shoulder a few times …and I knew exactly who I was looking for (“what” I was looking for?). Of course I was just being foolish. I mean, it’s not like I saw anything. Though, I just couldn’t shake the feeling… Never mind. It’s just stress probably; I’ve had a bit of a fucked up week. I feel a bit like a small child who’s seen a horror film; can’t seem to get the thought out of my mind. I haven’t been sleeping particularly well recently either, though I’m pretty sure that’s also just stress related. Although I should be feeling better; everything’s somewhat normal again (well, as normal as it ever was, if you can call it normal). I think I’m just over-thinking things.

I awoke to hammering on the door early this morning. It was *****, thank god. He seems unhurt but he was a bit of a mess; covered in dirt and his clothes were all torn and stuff. If I were to hazard a guess I’d say he spent the last week outdoors. The first thing I did of course was throw my arms around him in one of the biggest hugs I’ve ever given; I’m so glad that he’s alright. He didn’t return my embrace but just stood there, blanking me and ignoring my questions about where he had been, if he was ok, etc. Problems arose when he saw the contents of his bag spread out all over the coffee table. I know I should have tidied it up, but heavily drinking over the last few days had made me uncaring about trivial things such as housekeeping. I hadn’t even thought of how he’d react to me looking through his things. It turns out I should have thought. He reacted severely.

He had me pinned to the wall easily, I just wasn’t expecting it, and as a girl up against a guy so tough and angry, I had no chance anyway. My hands were on his, desperately trying to pull them off my neck while he was yelling at me “HOW MUCH DO YOU KNOW?” over and over. I tried telling him that I didn’t know what he meant but I couldn’t talk. I couldn’t breathe. He quietened down only when I pointed at the floor to remind him of the noise-aware neighbour downstairs. Then he shoved me aside, hastily grabbed everything that had been taken from his bag and headed to his room.

I was really scared. I still am, and my neck hurts. He’s in his room now, no lock between us; my fault. …I suppose I deserved it in a way; I completely disregarded his right to privacy. I just wish he would go back to being normal. The person I knew 4 months ago wouldn’t have acted like this.

I’m not sure if my neck is going to bruise. I hope it doesn’t, I don’t want to have to fabricate a story to explain it.